i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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