I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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