my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
