dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize