I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
