Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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