how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
