positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
organizing the empties. That sober.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
