Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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