this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize