i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
