I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
