Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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