I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
