If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize