i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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