i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
