Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
