please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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