I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
