ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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