its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
