i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
