i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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