Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who died my cat blue again?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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