It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
