Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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