after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
