break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
