Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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