I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize