Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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