Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
