if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need to stop coming to work sober
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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