I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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