I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
