I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
