My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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