3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
