I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
