I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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