my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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