I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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