We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
