y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
