I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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