i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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