At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
