I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
