can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
