Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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