The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
