Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
