God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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