it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Rumble strips road head = magical
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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