I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
