you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
