My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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