then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
