Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
