one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
