i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize