Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
