Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
