Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
two words: eviction party
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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