She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
