I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
