My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
