u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
