I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize