Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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