Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize