The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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