i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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